Gone are the days when I used to think in “writing”, as in I imagined how I would write about what I am experiencing right now. I have had a notepad full of expressions and I was never afraid to take out one of my seventeen Moleskine diaries that I was using at the moment. It’s a forever love though. That and a pen with a good tip. Damn those are hard to find, easier than finding free time though. I miss it more than anything, the time to be creative. Not that I was ever extremely creative, but you know I always had plants, wall collages, photo books, diaries, blog, ideas… aww ideas. Those were the best. Then parenting happens and you realise that the time when you were working night shifts while writing your dissertation, studying for finals, training for a half marathon and fundraising money to climb Kilimanjaro was a total breeze. I always use this as an example of a busy period in life. I know that everyone says that parenting is hard. In the first year of Josefina’s life I thought that was not really true, but yeah there’s a difference between a year and a lifetime. Plus babies are so freaking easy – for the most part. They don’t tell you what they are going to wear, they don’t refuse to put a jacket on a hideous pink tutu Elsa dress even though it’s cold outside, as long as they are eating, they just sit and sometimes smile. They let you take advantage of the happy hour. They let you pee in the morning and possibly make yourself a cup of tea.
Toddlers on the other hand they challenge the very last tiny piece of patience you might have had once upon a time. They don’t let you pick up your phone because they want to look at a video of themselves, they never want to eat what you have made until there’s nothing left and then they want it. Just when you are about to fall on your face because you are so tired mentally and physically that’s when they will take two hours to go to sleep. They will ask for porridge before bed time and then spit it back out right in front of you to see what you might do this time. They will scream at you for putting the bubbles in the bath one time and cry because you didn’t do it the other time. Sometimes they need help spooning mashed potatoes, other times they make you feel like the worst person because you helped them put on a shoe. Well we’ve only been at it for 37 minutes babes, maybe I could just give you a hint that left goes on the left. All of this is challenging, but what’s actually hard about parenting is that your freedom is gone. Nobody and nothing can take your freedom better than your own offspring. No work, no other commitments. No matter how much you just want to do something different, you can’t. Nature though, that sneaky bitch she is, makes you love these freedom takers from the bottom of your heart. Makes you love them to the moon and back. Makes you love them so hard that just the image of something bad happening puts tears in your eyes because should this happen to your kid, you’d rather take your own life. It also unknowingly lures you into procreating some more and before you know it, you are 8 months pregnant, gently rocking your two year old on your belly that already hurts without her help, singing twinkle twinkle little star. Not too loud nor too quiet (it has to be in the right tempo too) so she would finally go the fuck to sleep.
Despite all of this, would I really change it and go back in time? Yeah sometimes. But not really though. Life is anyway about the happy moments and those are there. Even more intense than before. This weekend we nearly killed each other, but last weekend, we were lying on the couch facing each other, our faces only centimetres away saying how much we love each other. We would have a little dance off, fun times pretend cooking in the kitchen and watch a Disney movie together and visiting friends.
If I forget the terror that was the last three days, we have actually had a really good month and a half as a family. A little getaway to the Sunshine Coast with our friends, few day trips here and there. We even managed a trip to Sydney where I have met my girl crush Karolina. Apart from that and seeing my dear friend Cara, all we did was eat and drink great coffee and hangout at the hotel with cartoons.
The best of the best though was our childless getaway to Brisbane. It was supposed to be for my 30th birthday, but in the end it only worked out for our five year anniversary. We booked a beautiful hotel room and it was everything we wanted and more. Along with edge pool, drinks with the city skyline at night, hotel room bubble bath, specialty coffee and city walks. I just wish it could last for a whole week. Otherwise my days are in the spirit of finally wanting to stop working, going to physio and remedial massages and baby planning.
The other day I finally tried pottery, which was a plan since about January and it was the best therapy I paid for this year. It’s definitely becoming a thing. In my next blog, I would like to write a little bit more about baby inventory because that’s now my version of creativity.