Head over heels compromising

I have lost three debit cards in three weeks. One I have found. In a pocket of my puffer jacket that I forgot at work.

I have also lost my new earphones. I have ordered new ones and immediately found the first pair in a pocket of my pants.

I finally remembered to bring my keep cup to work. I have dropped it as I was walking to the café. It was glass.

This wouldn’t be so weird if I wasn’t generally the most organised person.

I am still coming to terms that my apartment is no longer my apartment, but the toddler’s apartment and things are no longer where I put them and my beautiful plants are constantly violated.

I am so head over heels with trying to manage all the stuff and things and having so much on my mind that I forget most of it.

We now have an extensive family calendar that now captures everything and unless it’s there, it’s not happening. Every pick up, swimming lesson, pilates class and even a short run in the morning and dinner duties. Taking that short break at work to drive and see at least 30 minutes of Josie’s gymnastics class. I thought family calendars were just for soccer mums who are in love with stationary.

Either way this year wouldn’t have gone as planned. It’s now end of September and we are still battling the never ending flu season. I am starting to become claustrophobic even though I live on a large island. I am desperate for a getaway and a break. We wanted to get married, but we couldn’t.

So just like that, life feels like a one massive compromise.

I have started to work full time couple of months back, which is definitely better for my mental health. So far it has been positive. It’s in a great location, my boss is a nice and understanding human being and both of my closest colleagues have a very similar sense of humour. The pay is decent even with the kindy and a nanny. In the first few weeks it even felt like I am doing something that’s on my level of intelligence and experience. Now that I have learned about the product and the system, I am pretty much just cruising again. I swear the next job I will get must be at least a level up. For now I am just giving myself a little bit of a break as it’s been the first full time job after a while.

As much as I would like to say I am a super human, but trying to jam pilates, yoga or even a 3k run into my weeks, is a challenge. Especially weeks like these when there was the parenting workshop I was organising or our fake wedding. Sometimes I want G&T instead of dinner. And some days I am so mentally and physically drained that after having coffee, I don’t get a boost of energy, I just get the shakes and emotions. Today is definitely one of those days. That’s why I am typing this into an email window.

I know mums are always trying to up each other who’s the most tired mum of all. So here I am with my little bit into the game: I am so freaking tired. I don’t think I have ever been this tired. I am thinking of moving countries just so I could drop my kid off at grandma’s at least once a month. It takes time adjusting to being a mum, it takes time to adjusting to being a working mum too.

I have also started to go to a crossfit gym, I have been three times so far and each time I hated it a little bit less. It’s totally out of my comfort zone, but I really feel like it’s needed. On Friday when I was leaving the gym after work, I was on the phone with my friend and she was asking if I was coming for a pizza party we have been invited to and I said: yeah totally I’m feeling energised … I am a crossfitter now… I say things like this, get used to it! Hahaha. Anyway.

At the end of the day. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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