So it finally happened! It’s not just an urban legend. Work has been cancelled because of the severe weather conditions and I get to spend the whole day at home, drinking tea in my PJ shorts, read, write, listen to Milky Chance and the sound of rain. It’s the sweetest thing. Life has been pretty chilled out lately. Putting obsessive thinking about the future aside. Long breakfasts, yoga, walks on the beach and whiskey and coke with a movie on a Saturday night. Wonderful dinner in an Italian restaurant with Aperol and an even better breakfast at Bam Bam cafe. A short trip to a wildlife sanctuary, parrots have long tongues that can lick your nose – you learn something new everyday. And I also tried to golf, which is something I would like to pursue in the future. Maybe. Maybe not. Last but not least, I have dedicated some part of my weekend to baking banana muffins, bread and potting my avocado – housewife duties. I have sent a few photos from this wonderful weekend to my friend Lucy and she said she hates me with my unreal perfect life. I also got a lot of likes on Instagram and Facebook thanks to the photo with an Acai bowl, which shows my face in a beautiful light.
Just remember – nobody’s life is perfect. Photos show half the story if at all. I can’t even follow some people on Instagram without feeling jealous. Jealousy, anxiety and other imperfect emotions follow me. It seems that only Elle King is completely content with her bad tattoos and chip in her front teeth… but if she actually were, would she constantly sing about it? Not all of us have a chip in our front teeth, but a lot of us have a chip on our shoulder. Even the most successful or beautiful people that have travelled the world will probably have a father who was not always so proud.
For someone so strong-minded, independent and selfish, dealing with jealousy is a task. Instead of focusing on letting go of my thoughts after a long day and the endless amounts of downward facing dogs, all I could think about is why do I still feel jealous at times. Didn’t he say that part of yoga practice is letting go of your ego? Nah, I must have heard wrong. I know that I could possibly do more, but then I would probably have no sleep. I work out, I eat healthy, I work, I educate myself, I try to look pretty, I keep my real friendships going, I read, I meditate, I write, I learn languages. I am very content with my decisions and moral standards. I am pretty much the best version of myself I can be. Yet it still comes around, this inexplicable jealousy. Girls prettier, girls smarter, girls more successful, girls that have travelled so much more, girls that are five years younger and managed so much more. Why do I struggle with this low human emotion? I came to terms with so many things about myself that I cannot change and here we are again. Jealousy, possibly the worst possible emotion one could feel. Every time it happens, it baffles me. I prefer a different version of myself.
Anxiety on the other hand is not perceived as a low and ugly emotion, yet it bothers me so much more. It never used to happen when I was a teenager. And it only occasionally popped up when I was a student. It started getting worse when I first came back to Europe and started to work full time for the first time in my life. I was often forced into social interactions that I was not ready for and it escalated during my short “career” in Italy. There it was so bad that it lasted all the way through summer at home. Did you ever start crying because you didn’t want to go for a lunch with people you didn’t know? Ever panicked in a shopping mall because you were too far away from the exit? Yeah nobody’s life is perfect, no matter how many happy photos with Acai bowls they post on their Insta account. The key is finding the happiness in imperfections. The key is to enjoy the perfect moments. Here’s a few photos that capture my perfect moments.
The perfect sunset.
The perfect muffins.
The perfect acai bowl.
The perfect pot for my perfect avocado.
The perfect boyfriend and the perfect breakfast.